dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
