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I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
