Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
