You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
