I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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