suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
