I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
