break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
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