I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
