The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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