Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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