If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
