last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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