Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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