im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
