No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
