I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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