i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
