did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
