She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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