I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
