why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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