You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
