Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
