Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
