why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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