just survived the first fart of the relationship.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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