...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
