i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
