I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
