Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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