My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
