she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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