Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
