Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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