mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
