ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
