well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
