Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
