Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
