There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
