There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
