yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
