Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
