A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my sisters under your porch take her home
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
