I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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