just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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