Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
