I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
