He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
