I think I can smell my own vagina right now
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
