I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
