New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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