btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
