I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
