honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
