we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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