I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
