I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
