dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
