Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
