Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
