If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm both gender and math confused
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
