..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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