So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
