you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
