I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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