I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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