I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Never joke about your clitoris.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
