i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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